


Randomness at its Finest

by boogywoogywoogy



Category: non fandom
Genre: Anger, Established Relationship, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Finding Oneself, Heartbreak, It’s not all sad, Love, MY EMOTIONS, Multi, Rant, Rebirth, To Someone, but not really, collection, happiness, in general, just a rant, kind of relates, lying, midnight thoughts, mostly really, not always other people, relationship, tired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-07-06 16:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15890187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boogywoogywoogy/pseuds/boogywoogywoogy
Summary: A collection of short rants/poems/idek yet. Really just whatever comes to mind.





	1. Chapter 1

The worst part is that you didn’t even apologize.  
Not once. Ever.  
In fact I don’t know if I’ve ever heard you say the words “I’m sorry”  
Not to me, not to anyone.  
Everything always has to be someone else’s fault.  
What the fuck?  
Of all the things you’ve done,  
why is it so hard to say two words?  
I don’t care if you mean it.  
I don’t care if you fake that too.  
It’d just be good to know that you’ve at least acknowledged that you’ve done something that might’ve hurt someone.  
All I’ve ever seen you do is blame others.  
Never ONCE have I heard you say it was your fault or that you did something wrong.  
That’s the person you are.  
I can accept that.  
But how can you accept yourself?


	2. Contentment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me being relaxed and happy. Or maybe just tired.

right now I’m happy  
I’m scrolling through tumblr and I’m happy  
Yes, it’s nearly midnight & I need sleep  
But I’m far too happy to let it slip away  
I’m not thinking about anyone really  
I’m not stressing about the many tests I’ll have tomorrow   
Or having to respond to everyone.   
You could say I’m being selfish   
And not thinking about others or the future  
But right now I’m relaxed  
For the first time in a long time.   
With everything going on.   
I feel at peace with myself.   
I feel no need to worry.   
I’ll get through it.   
I’ll try my best.   
And whatever happens, happens.   
I’m relaxed.   
And I’m going to savor this moment   
For I’m not sure when it will come again.   
good night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))


	3. cringe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Me saying literally one thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to post where she probs wouldn’t find ??

Oh wow so uh a girl that I like actually likes me back?? What do?  
She doesn’t know that I know.   
But like,,,,,,,  
Advice pls


	4. Mutual Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot I wrote the last chapter. Here’s a blurb of thoughts I wrote in two seconds about precious girl. 💖💖

oh wow  
I like a new girl.   
She’s so cute  
And happy  
And funny  
And genuine  
And-

I’m not going to think about you  
I’m happy now  
And that’s all I want.   
I don’t think about you anymore  
Haven’t until I wrote this stanza  
You’re gone from my mind  
-  
I’m so happy  
This new girl   
Is real  
She’s smart  
Hilarious  
Cute as fuck

And she feels the same way about me  
That’s crazy  
Mutual feelings  
Are the best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I hope you’re all doing well. Love you ❤️


	5. As we move onto new beginnings...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they say once one door closes, another one opens. I sure hope so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of you guys was asking if we were together on the last chapter and then I realized I hadn’t posted since forever ago.  
> Long story short: I asked her out and she was really guarded the whole relationship so I felt like I couldn’t open up either and I was more comfortable around other people I guess. Most of the time we were great but then some of it was like that. I thought about breaking up a lot but I really did like her so I didn’t want to them in the new year she broke up with me because she wasn’t “in the best place for a relationship right now” so I said I understood and went on.  
> These are my thoughts and feelings afterwards.  
> They are excerpts from things I’ve written. They’ve been a bit edited and shortened because I just don’t want to share that much so yeah that’s it and if you guys want to know anymore just comment 🧡

I am being swarmed by my own emotions and all I want to do is cry. And I don’t even know why.

I had my first breakup yesterday and I was fine with it because the relationship wasn’t that deep anyways and I had thought about ending it for a while too.

So i don’t know why I feel sad. I don’t know if I’m sad, even. As much as we say we want to be close, it won’t be the same. Ever again. because we BOTH KNOW that is not going to happen and I think that’s why this sucks

I have a right to feel like this.

I know that; I don’t want to feel like this.

So how do I stop?

This has messed with my head more than I thought it did. I feel a little detached from everything and I’ve been looking forward to a next thing to feel better, I guess?

It was Christmas then New Years & now going back to school.

I think too much sometimes and make up things in my mind that aren’t real and I haven’t accepted those emotions. I DONT want to be sad and I’m not even sad I just don’t have a word for this emotion. It’s like I’m just in a haze but not really but idek how to explain it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ilysm 💓  
> My tumblr is @boogywoogywoogy as well 🧡  
> More parts to come!


	6. Cry it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A small blurb really transitioning into later thoughts.

I’m crying while writing this because it’s the first time I’ve thought through this in a sensible way.

I’m hoping this might make me feel better because when I’ve written before it’s helped.

I don’t know what I need.

Since we broke up (and we weren’t even as close I guess as we “should’ve been” or seemed) I just feel like I need a person. But I’m also fine without one.

I think I need to find myself again, too.

These past nearly two months I haven’t been myself as much as I should’ve when I was with her. I was guarded. Less happy. I liked talking to other people more and we just weren’t as comfortable with each other because neither of us allowed ourselves to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 💓💓


	7. Thinking- differently

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another part of the story, but on a lighter note.

I kind of feel better. I feel like I can actually have a new start now in 2019.

After everything that happened last year I’m ready for a new thing.

Honestly I’m glad I’m not bringing that relationship with me because it was dragging me down.

And it wasn’t because of her it was I had a higher standard I held myself to and I couldn’t reach it.

I can do whatever the F*CK I want now.

I am here to stay.

No more crying over stupid girls or putting up false hopes.

I’m keeping it real here but I’m also going to go for things. I won’t let fear get in my way

(too much).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ilysm 💞


	8. Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ready to move on, mostly.   
> It’s 2019, is it not?

I have a fucking great life. I love my family and friends so much and it’s time I show them that instead of guarding myself. And it may hurt me in some ways but i don’t care.

I will NOT let that stop me from having a good time.

I love myself. I need to live a good life and better myself.

2019 here I come.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading this! This is the end to a chapter that i am not sure I’m ready to close but I’ll be okay.   
> Just to wrap up the story I guess, there aren’t any hard feelings between us & it’s just a bit awkward. We haven’t really talked since she broke up with me, but I’m feeling better and ready to tackle another challenge (and right now it’s getting a better sleep cycle and AP Human Geography) so singing off for now ✌️

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :p


End file.
